Leaf on the Wind
by HolleyGeek
Summary: Inara and Mal have been dancing around each other for so long, now she might stay. Can they get over their stubbornness or will they finally burn that bridge (horrible summary but I am no good at them so meh) Rated T for now but may be upgraded later on if I add some adult content in


Ok so recently been reading the Serenity comics and got this idea for a fanfic. I know this is a bit of an obvious pairing but meh I am sticking with it.

You may also notice that I am in a bit of a denial about a character's absence and therefore have decided to include him anyway

I do not own Firefly or the characters. Really wish I did and had loads of money so we could reboot it but I don't

* * *

She was a companion. Inara had been telling herself that ever since Mal had asked her if she was ready to go back to the training house. Her mind flashed back to when she left serenity the first time, knowing at the time that being around Mal was too much and that if she ever stepped back on the ship that it would be too hard to walk away a second time. She had admittedly been forced to rebuild her bridge with Mal but if she was completely honest with herself she had been waiting for something, anything to give her an excuse to contact him. She had trained most of her life to be able to control every emotion she ever felt and for some reason every time Mal even so much as a glanced in her direction, she felt like her mind and body was not her own. Without control a companion was useless. She hated Mal for making her feel this way.

A knock on her door wrenched her from her thoughts and she looked around to see that she had returned to her shuttle and had been so consumed with thoughts of Mal, that she had been completely unaware of what she had done in the last 10 minutes. She heard the knock again and cleared her throat, trying desperately to regain some composure. "Come in" She called out in the most sensible voice she could muster for the time being and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw a certain perky brunette walking through the door, with her new shadow seconds behind her.

"Kaylee, River" Inara smiled, walking towards Kaylee, who instantly threw her arms around Inara. Inara loved how no matter what was going on, Kaylee always knew how to cheer a person up. Inara looked over Kaylee's shoulder to see River looking very confused, no doubt wondering what purpose the hug was serving. Inara giggled at this, River was still a little strange but since the mystery of Miranda had been solved she was a little less tormented and restless. Inara only hoped that one day River could return to the person Simon seemed to idolise although she knew through her own life experiences that you could never become the person you were. Kaylee pulled back, her radiant smile still plastered on her face.

"Sooooo, what did Mal say to you?" Kaylee innocently batted her eyelashes, trying desperately not the let on that she was hiding round the corner eavesdropping. Inara smiled "He asked me if I was ready to go back home, and I said I don't know" She sat down, the heaviness from her previous thought weighing on her heart again. Kaylee sat down next to her while River walked around the shuttle looking at all of Inara's possessions and muttering to herself.

"What do you mean you don't know Nara?" Kaylee asked, trying to hide the hopefulness in her voice. Kaylee knew what she meant but didn't want to emotionally manipulate Inara into staying no matter how much she wanted to scream that it would be too hard to watch her walk away again.

"I mean I don't know what my home is anymore. At the training house I am who I have been for years and I am able to live there in peace. But some nights I used to lay in bed thinking about the crew and the excitement and sometimes even the sadness, it makes me feel alive. But when I am here that emotional rollercoaster is never ending and I end up wishing for the peace again"

"Well where do you feel the most happy?" Kaylee slid her arm round her friend's shoulders, it finally dawning on her just how much of a struggle this was for her. Inara sighed and glanced over to where river was now randomly laying on the floor staring at the ceiling. For once in her life she had no idea what the right thing was to do, and that thought terrified her.

* * *

Mal lay flat on his bed staring at the ceiling, trying to think of literally anything else other than the beautiful woman at the other end of his ship. He wondered if she knew just how hard it was the first time she left him, and how much it would hurt if she did it again. He knew that he had no rights to her and that she didn't care for him like that but he liked to think that she cared enough about the crew to see that they all needed her here. She was like the sun after a storm, making all the turmoil start to ease away and make everyone believe that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Mal knew that even though Zoe was putting on the hard outer shell at the moment, she needed someone to get her through it and unfortunately, he lacked the emotional maturity to do that job right. Kaylee no doubt would be going on about every detail of her relationship with Simon, no matter how much he really didn't need to hear what that over privileged brat was doing to the closest he had to a little sister. As much as he didn't like him, Mal knew that Simon would be going through a difficult time, letting go of his mission to keep River safe now that she was finally starting to get better without him. And Jayne? Well he was weird and was bound to need something at some point. He wanted to be everybody's hero and be the person that they came to with their issues, but he knew that Inara did that better than anyone and given the chance, they would toss him to the dogs if they had to lose her again.

"Same old Mal, every time a woman makes him feel vulnerable, he tries to detach himself and think what everybody needs instead of himself" Mal heard the sarcastic voice come from across the room, he glanced over to see Wash playing with his plastic dinosaurs and wearing his usual horrendous Hawaiian shirt. He hadn't told anybody that he had been hallucinating that he was there every time Mal had been left to his thoughts, he probably would have been taken down to the infirmary and injected some of the weird and wonderful drugs that River got on a semi regular basis. To be honest he didn't want the hallucinations to go away. He had put a brave face on for Zoe but the fact that Wash was no longer around made him want to just start screaming and only stop when he could scream no more. He missed his friend something terrible and he wasn't prepared to let him go just yet.

"Oh yeah and what do you know, you're dead"

"Hey be nice to the non-living, its insensitive"

"Trust you to get upset being insulted about being dead"

"Don't get angry with me, we both know it's your fault we're having this conversation. If you weren't so crazy I would be floating around like a normal dead person, Guàiwù" Mal had to chuckle at this statement, he knew that if Wash had the chance to make sure something wasn't normal, he would go for it no questions asked.

"Besides this isn't about me, this is about you. Why are you pushing away Inara again?" Wash folded his arms. Mal sat up and stared his imagination in the face

"And what gives you the idea that I'm pushing her away? Wait, what the hell do you mean again?" Mal couldn't believe what Wash was implying, which given that he wasn't real made that fact even more upsetting.

"Come on Mal, we both know that the only reason you make a big deal out of her job is because you hate that you can never be with her because of it and when that got too much for you to handle, you slept with one of her friends, couldn't deal with it when she said she was happy you did and then practically pushed her off the ship" Mal felt his anger begin to bubble up inside of him and wished that Wash was really sitting in front of him right now so he could beat the crap out of him. He hated what Inara did, that was no secret, but he didn't push her away, she left him.

"Wash, she left on her own, I didn't ask her to leave and I damn sure do not care that she was happy I slept with Nandi" Mal gritted his teeth, trying to stop himself from punching the wall behind Wash's imaginary head

"Mal for the hundredth time I am not real, so whatever I say is true whether you like it or not, it is your brain's way of trying to take charge of whatever it is that normally makes your decisions for you"

"I hate you right now, Téngtòng de pìgu"

"I know you hate me, you say that every time I say something you know is true. Mal I know that you have had to take care of people your whole life, it's a captain's instinct. But it is ok to want Inara to stay for you ok. It is ok to be selfish about this. I know how much it would hurt you to have to watch her leave again" Wash put his hand on Mal's shoulder "Just do me a favour, don't you dare let her go anywhere without letting her know that she isn't wanted here. If you do, I guarantee you will never see her again and you will end up regretting it"

Mal sighed, as much as he hated to admit it, he knew Wash was right. Even if there was no chance that Inara wanted to stay with the crew and he wouldn't blame her given recent events, he had to let her know that she always had a home here. He was ready to burn that bridge and he knew that if he didn't at least try, he would lose her forever.

"I spose I should at least try, if I don't Kaylee would make my life hell and I can't be doing with that" Wash chuckled, knowing that was Malcolm Reynolds talk for he was going to try, even if he had to hide behind someone else to do it.

"Cap'n you ok" Mal looked up to see Kaylee's head at the top of the hatch. He looked back towards the end of his bed to see that his imaginary friend had gone. Rubbing his head he returned his gaze towards Kaylee.

"Yeah Xiǎo mèimei I'm fine, just a headache I think" Mal plastered on the best fake smile he could muster. Kaylee eyed him suspiciously before giving up "Ok then, just to let you know, Inara wanted a word with you when you've got a sec" Mal flinched at the mention of Inara's name but regained his composure quickly.

"No problem, I'll be up in a minute, anything else?"

"Yeah, cap'n?" Mal looked concerned to see a look of sadness flash across Kaylee's usual happy face "Don't let her leave again" Kaylee pleaded. Mal smiled sadly, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop Inara leaving if she wanted but he hated that when he let her before, he had made his little sister sad. Climbing up the hatch and standing up to give Kaylee a quick hug "I'm gonna try Kaylee, I really will" Happiness returning back to her face, Kaylee skipped off towards her bunk, turning just before she entered the hatch "Oh and Cap'n, she said that she won't let you in if you don't knock".

Mal smiled to himself at this, knowing how Inara felt about knocking before entering and wondering if he should take his chances as he normally did to wind her up about that today, before taking a deep breath and taking what seemed like the longest walk of his life to go and convince the woman he wouldn't admit he needed to stay.

* * *

Guàiwù – Weirdo

Téngtòng de pìgu – Pain in the ass

Xiǎo mèimei – Little Sister

Ok guys, the Chinese I got off typing phrases into google so apologies to those who actually speak the language if I have got any of it wrong

Not sure if I am going to leave it as a one shot or continue it so review and let me know your thoughts please.


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